How to Properly Use Emojis to Stealth Text About Weed
Texting has come a long way from its humble roots in ye olden flip phones, Blackberries, and the like. When once we could only send short strings of characters derived purely from the king’s good English, today we can insert all sorts of cartoony images depicting everyday objects, creatures, facial expressions… and zombies, for whatever reason.
And being able to text emojis to friends and, ahem, “business contacts,” gives us an upper-hand when we need to schedule a weed deal but also need to thwart family members, less-cool friends, or the fucking NSA (oh yeah, they’re tapping your texts, and they know you’re high right now).
Although there’s no official playbook for how to stealth-text about weed business through emojis, we’ve got a few ideas here to help you out. Ultimately, you and your plug should have previously agreed on certain phrases or emojis to communicate this stuff, but sometimes shit comes up, and you gotta improvise a couple under-the-radar statements to keep everything, as it were, under-the-table.
So, here’s the guide, but feel free to get creative.
“Weed” = Trees = 🌲🌳🌴🌿🍁
“Trees” is common slang for marijuana. That’s because, if you let it grow with plenty of root space, cannabis grows into a literal tree, with some plants reaching as high as 30 to 40 feet tall.
Example: “yo you got some 🌲🌲🌲?”
“Weed” = Broccoli = 🥦
“Broccoli” is another slang term for marijuana. It became popular a few years ago after rappers DRAM and Lil’ Yachty dropped the track “Broccoli,” which refers to cannabis with this term, though the history traces back further.
Example: “I need my daily allowance of 🥦🥦🥦, dawg”
“Weed” = Flowers = 🌷🌹
The stuff folks smoke is a particular part of cannabis: the flowers, or buds.
Example: “Who’s got 🌷🌹?”
“High” = Planes/Rockets/Aerial Vehicles = ✈️🚀
Pretty self-explanatory. Rockets are more common than airplanes in this context, just FYI. Why lift off, when you can blast off?
Example: “wanna get 🚀 later?”
Gallery — Bongs Reimagined as High School Yearbook Photos:
“Dollars” = Bones = 🦴
The way people get slammed for deals is through evidence of a monetary exchange. Although emojis won’t help if you if some narc sets you up at the meeting spot, you can minimize the evidence against you by keeping dollar signs and other monetary units out of your communications. “Bones” is slang for “dollars,” so that one’s easy enough.
Example: “that’ll run 20 🦴🦴”
“Popcorn nugs” = Popcorn = 🍿
Popcorn nugs are those little balls of weed flower/buds that collect at the bottoms of your containers. Some folks don’t mind a baggie full of popcorn nugs; in fact, some people seek them out for blunts and the like. Others, however, feel that popcorn nugs are subpar, and they may take offense if they drive all the way across town only to find that they just scored bottom-of-the-barrel buds.
Example: “i only got 🍿— that cool?”
Specific strains = [Multiple Emojis]
Some weed strains are easier to convey through text than others. For instance:
Grape Ape = 🍇🦍
Pineapple Express = 🍍🚂
GSC/Cookies = 👧🍪
Of course, stealth texting won’t work for every weed strain. Good luck trying to get “Alaska Thunderfuck” across to someone in pictorial form.
“Couch-lock” = Couch + Lock = 🛋️🔒
On some devices, that “couch” emoji looks like a red vacuum cleaner. It’s supposed to be a couch with a lamp chillin’ behind it.
As both the traditional and regulated weed markets mature, cannabis customers are maturing in their tastes, too. Some tokers only want the kind of weed that’ll get them zonked out and locked to the couch so they focus on more important things like video games.
Example: “i need something to get me 🛋️🔒”
“Fire” = Flames = 🔥
“Fire” is slang for “awesome” or “potent.”
Example: “hook it up with some of those 🔥🌲🌲, homie”
“Bomb” = Bomb = 💣
“Bomb” is also slang for “awesome” or “potent.”
Example: “your girl’s 🌲🌲 smells 💣”
“Smoke” = Blow + Smoke = 😗💨
Example: “who knows where we can safely 😗💨?”
“Twist a joint” = Pretzel + Cigarette = 🥨🚬
Here’s the deal: Weed heads will default to 🚬 meaning “joint.” That’s because Apple hasn’t provided a joint emoji in the iPhone, though we can hope that won’t always be the case.
Example: “meet me at 5 to 🥨🚬”
“I got five on it” = 5 + Whatever the Fuck That’s Supposed to Be = 5️⃣🔛
In 1995, the hip-hop group Luniz released the track “I Got Five On It,” and now every ‘90s kid can’t help but hear the hook any time someone drops a Lincoln on some weed.
“Five on it” means you’ve got $5 to either pitch in on a sack or to contribute to someone else’s smoke sesh, so you’re not being a damn mooch.
Example: “if you got that 🍍🚂 i got 5️⃣🔛”
Emojis to Avoid
The following emojis have commonly accepted meanings. Unless you’ve already worked these emojis out with your business contact, don’t use these, to prevent confusion.
🎱 = Although this could easily refer to an “eighth,” an “eight ball” generally refers to an eighth-ounce of cocaine. Which, y’know, is fine to use, if that’s what you’re trying to score.
🍆 = It might be tempting to use this to refer to a “Purple” or “Purp” strain of weed, but don’t. Most folks, especially women, may suspect an unsolicited dick pic will soon follow after receiving this.
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